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Red Tractor USA is a  news satire and political satire site - fake news - all B.S.  

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Companies Monitor Bathroom Time With New Electronic Hand Dryer

Detroit, Mi-David Kruk - While most employees now are aware that their employers can monitor their phone and email communications, many may not be aware of a new trend being seen in companies across the country.

The latest trend in employee monitoring has extended in to the corporate bathroom.   Aided by new finger print recognition technology, those electronic hand dryers mounted on bathroom walls are keeping tabs on how much time individual employees spend in the bathroom. 

In addition to drying hands when your hand moves across it’s fan, sensors in this new breed of hand dryer can scan your fingerprint and record how often you visit the corporate washroom. 

Though most companies using this technology recognize that their employees might resent yet another invasion of their privacy, the savings in pay and increased productivity they gain from reducing time spent in the bathroom is worth while.

These new hand dryers are designed to connect to the corporate network and in many cases will report real time information to the corporate payroll system. 

Additionally, many companies adopting this technology will be in position to offer dietary advise, medical advise, or workplace counseling to employees that spend an above average amount of time in the bathroom. 

Interviewed at a larger car manufacturing company in Detroit Michigan,  a human resources representative who whished to remain anonymous told Red Tractor USA that "This new hand dryer will allow us to establish baseline for the average time spent in the bathroom by our employees and also allow us to proactively identify problem and work with employees who regularly spend excessive time in the bathroom.

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Past News Satire Headlines                  

American Family Flees To Mexico
Chicks Are Psycho
Glenn Beck Guns on Campus
Marijuana Bongs Recalled
Neighborhood Gone Bad
Pope Benedict's Secret
Study: Trailer Trash Live In Trailer Parks
Tips For Saving Gas
Union on Strike
Viagra Lawsuit
Wal-Mart To Offer Sex Toys

 

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Bill O'Reilly "I'm not a racist"
Bush Economic Policy
Bush Education Program
Bush Immigration Boders
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Carrot And Stick
Cheney Naval Observatory
Dick Cheney Naval Observatory
Duct Tape Auction
George Bush Boxing
Global Warming
Google NSA Join Forces
John McCain Running Mate
Laura Bush Book on Masturbation
Laura Bush Smoking and Drinking
Mike Huckabee Meets Pat Robertson
Mike Huckabee Meets Pat Robertson
Political Reality TV
Waterboarding added to 2008 Olympics
Waterboarding added to 2008 Olympics

 

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Air Phone
Bathroom Time Monitored
Bekins Movers
Chinese Chopsticks Recall
Fast Walking Employee
Greyhound Deterring Passengers and Terrorists
Holiday Party At Wendy's
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Homeless Cell Phones
Mattel Barbie Resigns
McDonald's Drive Through Outsourced
Problem Solving Flow Chart
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Wal-Mart Layoffs
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08/18/2008

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News Satire Disclaimer

Red Tractor USA is a news satire and political satire web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.   If our site is offensive in any way, please watch Glenn Beck or  Bill O'Reilly if you are more comfortable with lies, distortions and half truths.  If you have a sense of humor and enjoy news satire and political satire, please enjoy.  

 

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