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Bush Pushes Napolitano On Borders            

Washington DC -  Bobzaguy   In a quick turn of immigration-related events, President George W. Bush today sent for Giorgio Napolitano the current President of Italy. The American president announced high-level immigration talks to commence on Tuesday, February 12, just two days prior to St. Valentine's Day.

George Bush "I have no intention or desire to stop my work against illegal immigrants coming across the borders of the US. I refuse to be a duck in this issue," the president stated. Then he restated his remarks, "I refuse to be painted as a lame duck on this issue."

He continued "The Arizona border is just as porous as the one in Texas, believe me. I was governor of Texas and I know a weak border when I see one. That doesn't mean I am a lame duck."  

When asked how the Italian president would be helping, Mr. Bush said, "Well, I was told that Napolitano is the governor of Arizona and he will surely be able to help us with keeping people on the other side. Wouldn't you think?" 

The Secretary of State, Condolezza Rice, who had just learned of the summons for the Italian president, whispered quickly to the president and his face reddened a bit.  

Stepping back to the microphone, Mr. Bush said, "I guess there's some egg on my scheduler's face now. I just learned that the Arizona Governor is a Democrat woman by the same name of Napolitano which is the Italian guy's name by chance. Boy will Addington be surprised when he discovers the egg on his kisser." 

"I hear that this Italian has the cool  nickname of "Re Umberto" which I guess would be "King Umberto" in I-talian. He's also named "Il principe rosso" ("The red prince"), because he had a little run-in with communism in his early life. I think I will call him "Umberosso" when he's here. Hope he enjoys it." 

"Addington found another Napolitano named Andrew, who is the youngest life-tenured Superior Court judge in the history of the State of New Jersey. Who also works as the Senior Judicial Analyst for the Fox News Channel. We gotta keep on top of these Napolitanos, to be sure we can get these illegals to go back home somehow before I leave office," said Bush. 

There was a slight backlash to the selective use of Napolitanos for this immigrant issue. An objection was voiced right from the pages of a Latino recipe book. By a Flan Napolitano which, as one of the most common desserts in Latin America and Spain, wants representation on the immigration committee that is formed.  

Flan stated, "This is unacceptable, and has to change. Immigration reform legally must be comprehensive and bipartisan to work. Everyone loves Flan, I can help with this issue."

 

American family flees USA for Mexico

Phoenix, Az. –  Asking, “What’s so great about  life here” a young Phoenix Arizona man and his family today declared their intention to migrate to Mexico in search of employment and a better life.  Family In Car

In what may be the first of a new trend in reverse immigration Adam Smith, age 30, and his wife Emily, 29 and their two children today announced to their family and relatives that they were going drive across the Mexican border in the upcoming week in search of a better life.  

Having just been laid off from his job in the technology field because it was outsourced to a firm in India and facing foreclosure on their house, Mr. Smith told relatives today in Phoenix that he had heard from a Mexican chef at the local diner that a family of four can live in Mexico for just a few pesos a month.  American Family Flees To Mexico

 

Bush to appoint torture zcar

Washington, DC - Riding out the remaining 390 days left in his second term as president, George Bush has proposed to add a new Torture Czar to his administration’s cabinet.  As proposed, the new torture Czar will have primary oversight of torture administered by the CIA but will also oversee torture administered by all local and federal agencies.

Dana PerinoThe Torture Czar will work with CIA director General Mike Hayden to ensure that CIA administered torture is appropriate as related to the desired information that CIA agents are trying obtained from detainees.    

Announced at a news conference today at the White House, the president's press secretary Dana Perino, told reporters that “The Torture Czar will balance our national security needs with our constitution. It is part of our national conscience to make sure that our agencies tasked with protecting our citizens and fighting the war on terror have the tools they need, while at the same time upholding the principles on which our fine county is based.”   Bush Torture Zcar Cont.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

08/18/2008

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News Satire Disclaimer

Red Tractor USA is a news satire and political satire web publication.   All news articles contained within are fiction, fake news,  news satire, humor, political satire or general humor and satire news.  All names used are fictional except those belonging to celebrities and politicians.   Any resemblance to the truth is a pure coincidence in cases of news satire except for all references to George W. Bush, the Bush administration, Dick Cheney, and the White House.     Red Tractor USA is intended for a mature audience.   If our site is offensive in any way, please watch Glenn Beck or  Bill O'Reilly if you are more comfortable with lies, distortions and half truths.  If you have a sense of humor and enjoy news satire and political satire, please enjoy.  

 

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