Classified Advertisements
Mustache looking for work Just a touch of gray, bushy, and lonely. John Bolton's mustache is looking for work. Must be willing to comb and pet me twice per-day. Gender does not matter. Please email: johnboltonsgraybushylonelymustache@unemployedmustache.com
Travel to Nepal! Have you ever wanted to feel free enough to dissolve the parliament indefinitely, impose martial law, and fight rebel insurgents? That’s freedom in Nepal and that's why you should invest here.
Wanted - Political Activist - Have you ever wanted to be in a positive reinforcing environment? Do something exotic, join a cult and support a fascist! Lyndon Larouche is currently accepting anyone. Say his name three times and one of his cronies will come faster than the baby snatcher himself.
Need money and a future? Join the team at Wal-Mart. You’ll never join a union or earn enough money to live above the poverty line. Glass ceiling, no upward mobility, and zero benefits. You are liable to lose your job any day for any reason. Start building your future today. Join the Wal-Mart team! Visit any of our fine retail locations for an application, if there is not a Wal-Mart in your local area petition your city council to demand we build a Wal-Mart in your community.
Turn your laptop into a real lap-dance. That’s right, Luxurious Lap is a special add-on for your laptop that vibrates and recreates the world’s greatest lap-dances. Everything from the Atlanta deep grind, to Bangkok bounce. You can even use it independent of a computer. Great for long, lonely airplane flights, classrooms, board meetings, interns, elderly, and those saving themselves for marriage. Call now for product placement:
Join the largest gang in the world, the U.S. Government. Get benefits, work inefficiently on the dole of your neighbor, and never worry about being fired. It’s a big bureaucracy all skills and levels of intelligence are accepted. Join the G-Unit. Call 1800-1Biggov .
WANTED! Someone to listen to me —North Korea call:1-900-683-4629 $100,000 per minute.
Filled - Obtain paradise instantly, for eternity with 72 virgins, become a suicide bomber. Immediate placement. Act Now! 1-9000-I TERROR
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