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Driving Tips For Saving Gas

By  David  M.  Kruk - 

Red  Tractor USA Editor in Chief

Hello again.  Since gas prices are on most people's minds these days, I have been thinking of ways to save gas while driving to work at the hospital here in New Jersey.

For highway driving, try slowing down from 100mhp to 80mph.  This will save you a ton of gas and possibly add to your longevity.  After all, when was the last time that you felt sorry for those people in a 20 car pile up? 

If you can find it in you somewhere to slow down to 80mph, then while you are at it, try keeping more the five feet between you and next car.  This doesn’t matter much for gas but does contribute to world peace.

In the supermarket parking lot, try slowing down from 40mhp to 10mph.  In addition to saving gas, people of all ages will appreciate not being run over.

Also try slowing down from 80mph to at least 55mph when driving in snow storms and blizzards.  We don’t care if you do have an SUV, in addition to saving gas, this is sure to keep you on the road.   If you insist on driving 80mph in the next blizzard, I will be the one waving at you when you are off in that ditch.

Try backing out of your driveway smoothly at 5pmh rather than flooring it like you usually do.  In addition to saving gas, your neighbors will appreciate you not running over their kids and or cats.

While this may seem obvious, try purchasing a vehicle that actually gets more than 10 mile per gallon.   Since this eliminates almost all American built cars, you may need to consider a foreign manufacture.

For that matter, if you need a Ford Explorer or Chevy Suburban you probably have too many kids and may want to consider birth control.    The average family should not need a school bus sized vehicle to go out for pizza.

For your next family vacation get a map!  You would be surprised how much gas you can save by knowing where you are going.     If you are not skilled at reading maps, give the map to junior.   They will appreciate the responsibility and it is their future that where fucking with anyway by using fossil fuel like it is going out of style.

In construction zones, again please slow down from 80mph to last 55mph.  As we all know, this saves lives and saves gas a well.

To the men out there, and you know who you are, please stop trying so hard to cut the off the guy that is sneaking by you on the right by flooring your vehicle when the light turns green.  For that matter, just plain stop flooring it when the light turns green, period.  No one is watching you and your not 16 anymore!   

And for everyone else, please stop racing up to red lights.  While it may make your feel good that your faster than the other guy, this is a complete waste of gas and hard on your breaks.

If all of this fails, get reacquainted with your feet.  Those are the two things that anchor you to the ground.  Try walking to the store to get the next gallon of milk.

Past Columns

3AM Call To The White House
Ass Kissing At Work
Corporate Dress Code
Excuses For Being Late To Work
Excuses for being late to work - Autumn
Looking Busy At Work
Looking Important
Office Holiday Party Behavior

Laura Bush smoking and drinking   

Washington DC,  David Kruk - Wondering what Laura Bush has been up to lately?    Intrigued by her complete absence of any public appearances standing by her man, President George W.Bush, Red Tractor USA recently set out to find out what the First Lady has been doing.

Turns out, not too much more than smoking her favorite cigarettes and drinking beer. That’s right, whether she is down home on the ranch in Crawford or at home in the White House, apparently Laura Bush has been spending much of her free time smoking cigarettes and drinking beer. Laura Bush Smoking Cont.