Bush Claims Global
Warming
Success
Washington D.C.
- President Bush told a much smaller than usual news conference today that the
“spat about global warming has met a successful end, another mission
accomplished” for his administration, in his words. His announcement was made at
the National Weather Center, a little-known government basement office hidden
back behind Hoover’s FBI building.
The president backed
up his remarks by pointing to a series of current and recent past weather charts
from November ‘07 – February ‘08 as his first examples.
“These charts,” the
president contended, “show a marked cooling in average daily temperatures when
compared to charts for the previous May ‘07 – August ‘07 period.” Drawing
particular attention to the month of February ‘08, President Bush noted that
“much of the country was blanketed by snow for that month. While in August ‘07,
a mere 6 months earlier, the same parts of the country were registering
tempertures easily 60°, 70°, even 80° warmer.” He continued, “this is
proof-positive that we have conquered this pesky global warming thing. A
definite cooling down here.”
“I knew that this
would happen eventually,” he said as he visibly warmed to his topic, “we have
now defeated those scare-mongers who would have us believing that the world is
in danger. We have the proof that our environment is not in danger after all.”
The president then
asked for questions and Helen Thomas, speaking from the back row asked, “Why
aren’t you scientifically comparing same-month temperatures such as February
with February and so on over a period of years to set the true monthly averages?
Not February with August in the same 6 month cycle.”
“OK, OK, OK Helen,
you have a point there,” the president testily began, then quickly softened.
“But please bear with me a little. My way of thinking here is to show that the
averages of November thru February are remarkably lower than the averages of May
thru August. You have to admit that’s true, Helen...don’t cha?”
Stifling her total
disbelief in this rare, faulty logic, she managed to nod to the president who
smiled warmly at her good choice. “Good girl, I knew you’d see it my way. Why
don’t you bring your chair up here in the front row now, where you belong. Sam,
you don’t mind I am sure. Now, are there any more questions?”
“Well, there is the
fact, Mr President,” began Sam Donaldson, the other press person at the
conference, “that the Arctic Ocean is showing signs of being much warmer these
days. To the point of not really freezing over, if I have my story straight,
sir.”
“Is there a question
in there somewhere, Sam? I don’t see one here.” parried the president.
“Yes sir, there
certainly is. If you have so successfully ended global warming, then why is the
Arctic Ocean not frozen solid as it has been since the beginning of time, until
just recently?”
“Ah, Sam” began the
president, “it’s just like you to nitpick on the little anomolies that anyone
can find with that Google machine people are talking about lately. Did you just
type in your word and get everything that’s written about it? Is that what you
did there, Sam?”
“No sir, I just read
this press item that was released from right here at the National Weather Center
today. The one about the non-frozen Arctic Ocean. Don’t they send these to you
up there in the White House? You can have my copy.” asked Mr. Donaldson.
“He-he-he, good one
Sam. That’s a good one. I guess I may have skimmed over that one when it came by
me. I don’t much get up there to the Arctic these days, ya know. No point
really, since there’s no drilling going on yet. Kinda busy with the mideast
matters down here stateside. Well, if there’s no more questions from you two,
then I guess I can call it a day. Thanks for time outa your busy day and coming
by here.
“Either of you need a
parking coupon?
“Hey, Sam, missed you
and the kids at the egg roll the other day.”
President Bush told a
much smaller than usual news conference today that the “spat about global
warming has met a successful end, another mission accomplished” for his
administration, in his words. President Bush told a much smaller than usual news
conference today that the “spat about global warming has met a successful end,
another mission accomplished” for his administration, in his words.
By
BobzGuy
|
