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George Bush Satire Headlines

Iranian President  Challenges Bush To A Boxing Match

Tehran, Iran-David Kruk- Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad today challenged American President George W. Bush to a boxing match to be held at an undisclosed location.  Speaking at a press conference in the capital city of Iran, President Ahmadinejad challenged his American counterpart to a 14 round, winner-takes-all, boxing match.

At stake is Iran's nuclear ambition.   President Ahmadinejad suggested that if he loses the fight his country would stop developing nuclear weapons and if he wins, as he has predicted, the Americans would agree to leave Iran alone. 

President Ahmadinejad said “I view the boxing match as a great way to ease tensions with George Bush and at the same time find out who is the real man between us.”  President Ahmadinejad also said “Forget nukes, I will kick his American Zionist ass in the ring. No mama's boy like George Bush has ever beat me."   Bush Boxing Match Cont.

Senators Vote To Let Bush Fight His Own War

While this new mission was not exactly what President Bush had in mind when he recently announced plans to commit more troops to the Iraqi war, House Democrats were excited at the opportunity to send the President off to battle.  In passing this bill, the sentiment of the day in House of Representatives was that committing George Bush himself to fight in Iraq was the only option left for a President bent on further escalation of a misguided war.

After today’s vote, Senator John Kerry of Massachusetts told Red Tractor USA that, “Since we did not have enough votes yet to impeach George Bush, committing him to a very dangerous mission where it is possible that he would be killed, was the next best thing.” Others in Congress also indicated since President Bush has expressed absolutely no interest in discussing U.S. troop withdrawals from Iraq, sending him to fight himself was only appropriate.     George Bush To Fight In Iraq Cont.

Forget About Impeachment, Public Fires The Whole Lot

Washington, DC-David Kruk - Fed up with lying, deception, hubris, abuse of presidential powers and blunder after blunder, American citizens today fired the whole Bush administration. The government’s dropping into a bottomless abyss of poor management and the recent uproar over political firings and deceit by Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez, all fresh on the heels of the guilty verdict of Scooter Libby, Vice President Cheney’s former chief of staff, seems to have pushed the country over the edge.

The people of the United States, led by senators and congressmen of both parties, took a page from Donald Trump’s playbook today and said “You’re fired” to George W. Bush and his administration.

Howard Dean, the head of the Democratic Party organized the mass firings from his office in Connecticut. Mr. Dean told Red Tractor USA that “Most Americans were so totally embarrassed by the deceitful governing of the Bush administration that they felt that they had no choice but to fire what is, hands down, the worst Presidential administration ever.”  Bush Administration Fired Cont.

New George Bush ‘Leave ‘em Behind’ Education Program

WASHINGTON DC,  - BobZaguy -Secretary of Education, Margaret Spellings - George Bush’s education adviser in Texas as well as in the White House - was one of the driving forces behind No Child Left Behind, known throughout the Beltway as NCLB. Now, in a spin of activity to cement her tenure in DOE, she has begun a new college level program to be funded by the federal government. It is called SWAPYTTO (pronounced swap-pito) which is the acronym for “students who aren’t prepared - you toss them overboard”. This is the ultimate George Bush ‘Leave ‘em Behind’ education program and it will be funded by loan money normally given to students who want to, but can’t afford to attend a college or university.

The hundreds of millions in loan monies being used will pay for consultants throughout the country who have great ideas of how to get these NCLB students into a college-like atmosphere long enough to convince prospective employers that they have college experience.

Heading this nation-wide effort to instill college life on educationally impoverished young people is Mr.  Charles Miller, a Texas entrepreneur who played a central role in devising the model for his state’s system of public-school testing and accountability. Bush Education Program Cont.

WASHINGTON DC, June 26  by Bob Rohden —In a rare governmental move, the self-made non-executive Vice President and his wife were summarily evicted from their government-supported residence at the US Naval Observatory in Washington, DC today.

When Cheney claimed last week that his office is not part of the executive branch, wheels in the GAO began to spin. Officials there said, referring to the “Plum book” - a directory of office phone numbers/addresses in the government, that Cheney’s statement would “automatically erase him from the listing.” Anyone erased by the government is expected not to return to visibility, according to a Presidential Signing Order, which oddly seems to have been requested by Cheney when he claimed he was still Vice President in the executive branch.

Al Gore: “I wish I had half the set that Hugo Chavez has.”

Nashville, Tennessee – In an exclusive interview with Red Tractor USA today, former Vice President Al Gore lamented that if he had had half the balls that Hugo Chavez has when he was running for president he could have been easily occupying the White House today.

Gore’s comments where prompted by the recent statements of Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez in his speech at the United Nations on September 20, 2006.    In that fiery rant Chavez told the United Nations General Assembly in reference to George W. Bush that “The devil came here yesterday, yesterday the devil came here.  Right here.  And it smells of sulfur still today.” 

Gore told Red Tractor USA “I wish I had half the set that Hugo Chavez has” and that he totally approved of Chavez’s comments.   Gore also stated that when he first heard those comments he said to himself “Damn, that’s what I was trying to say all along. I just never had the balls to go quite that far.”