McCain Announces "The Bitter Tour
0-08"
Pennsylvania countryside, - “We’re going to go to the
small towns in Pennsylvania and I’m gonna to tell them I don’t agree with
Senator Obama that they cling to their religion and the Constitution because
they’re bitter.” These were the words of Presumptive Republican presidential
candidate John S. McCain as he tried to bring rancor back to the campaign trail.
The candidate today has announced his next nationwide tour
"The Bitter Tour –"08" Senator McCain will take his bus on the road again with
his spirits high. Actually, the campaign has decided to use Mrs. McCain's jet
because the bus just do fast tours well. So, the bus (in its own transport
plane) will precede the people's plane around the country during the holiday
week of the Fourth of July, with both planes landing and the bus will then drive
into the town where there will be a big "Bitter Rally" which will culminate in a
wonderful uplifting, non-bitterness speech by the candidate.
Plans were outlined by McCain's national general campaign
co-chair, Former U.S. Senator Phil Gramm, Texas. "I think this tour will be
wildly popular and I plan to join in myself. We're goin' all around the states
and gettin' everyone fired up to stop being bitter. Everyone will have a big
chance to show this Obama a thing or two about bitterness. We'll even go into
the Blue states and see if anyone there has any plans to become bitter." Gramm
laughed at his little joke here.
"Everyone will get the invitation to participate without
bitterness. There's gonna be all the benefit from an executive campaign briefing
given by John himself. Invitations to some great victory celebrations as the
tour makes its rounds in the states, of course, you need to be a Gold
contributor here, but everyone will have the opportunity to contribute. Oh and
don't forget the limited edition McCain Lapel Pin for one and all; or that real
biggie, the commemorative signed campaign 5 by 7 photo of John and Cindy,
something to hand down to the grand kids."
Gramm continued, "Oh boy, are we going to shove bitter down
the Democrat's throats this time!"
"Now don't y'all forget who we are fighting here, the Great
Obama. He's voted to limit the number of bullets per clip to ten and to make
them pesky trigger locks mandatory on the hand guns. Boy, he sure has not been a
friend to us gun owners. Can y'all imagine if Obama gets elected? We'll all be
clinging to our religions. There sure won't be anymore gun sales at gun shows.
What's the point of a gun show without anything to buy anyway? I ask ya'."
"Yessir, all we need do is keep staying in Iraq, Bomb Iran.
Give tax breaks to big oil and the super rich. This will erase the bitterness in
our whole wonderful country."
"Besides, there's no such thing as being bitter anyway,
unless you're a Democrat."
By Bobzaguy
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Washington DC,
David Kruk - Wondering what Laura Bush has been up to lately? Intrigued by her complete
absence of any public appearances standing by her man, President George W.Bush,
Red Tractor USA recently set out to find out what the First Lady has been doing.