McCain Announces Running Mate: Danica Patrick
Baghdad, Iraq - Speaking at a press
conference at the Baghdad Airport while waiting for the unannounced arrival of
Vice President Cheney, who officially was listed as being asleep in a hotel in
Jerusalem, Senator John McCain and his two close political allies, Senator
Joseph Lieberman, independent of Connecticut, and Senator Lindsey Graham,
Republican of South Carolina chatted with reporters traveling with the
delegation on their non-political fact-finding mission.
The three senators are also visiting
Israel, London and Paris. Mr. McCain has said the trip is not primarily
political. He told the reporters: “I do want to emphasize again that the three
of us are here as members of the Armed Services Committee.”
On Thursday, however, Mr. McCain will attend a $1,000-a-plate
fund-raising lunch at a private home in London.
Meanwhile on Sunday night, while McCain slept in his Baghdad
hotel, Vice President Cheney, his wife and his daughter left Air Force Two
parked on a tarmac in
England and boarded a C-17 for their final flight to the Iraqi
capital. On their unannounced arrival, they immediately boarded a helicopter and
flew away into the dusty, heavily secured Green Zone in central Baghdad, missing
the McCain welcoming committee.
“It’s good to be back in Iraq,” Cheney was reported to say as
he deplaned out of sight at the back of the airport.
Unaware of this swift change-of-planes move, Sen. McCain
fielded questions asked by the reporters. The first question was: “Senator, what
do you wish to let us know about your campaign back in the US?”
The Senator glanced at his watch with mounting disgust and
began, “Well since the damn plane seems to be late, I guess I can tell you a
little about what I am going to do. I am going to announce that I have asked
5’2”, 100 lb. Danica Patrick, the Indy race car driver to be my Vice
Presidential running mate for the 2008 campaign. You know she has won numerous
racing titles around the country. I feel that she will be a grand running mate
for me.”
While the reporting pool gasped as if one voice, McCain
continued, “Ms. Patrick, an independent voter, has agreed to run with me on the
condition that she will be able to continue her racing career while in office.”
“But sir,” began a reporter, “You know that she is only 32?”
“Yes, I am aware of that, but I have been told that we can get
past that hurdle with one of those quickie Bush signing statements after
Congress recesses for the conventions.”
“Also,” he continued, “to accomplish Danica’s wishes to
continue to race, Dick Cheney has magnanimously offered to step in and assume
her Senate duties and any other official appearances she may be unable to
attend.”
“The Vice President’s secret service staff will begin to take
race car driving lessons the day after the November election, assuming the Grand
Old Party victory that Bush is predicting, of course. And supervising the
driving instructors will by my good friend, Irving Lewis Libby. Scooter still
has those 400 hours of community service to serve out on his sentence and I
think this will about cover it,” McCain stated.
Then he concluded, “I look forward to Danica’s joining our
campaign and I predict she will totally balance the ticket. We will surely score
the racing fan’s votes and the women’s votes as well. At least I hope so.”
While the reporters were frantically trying to get their cell
phones to work on calls back to the US and their editors, the Senator’s
spokesman stepped to the microphones and said, “I have a statement from Ms.
Patrick to read to you and I will give a copy to each of you as well. Ms.
Patrick states, ‘I value John’s faith in me by asking me to assume this honored
position. I will do my best to cross the finish line in November with him in
first place.’”
The spokesman then related that all further details of the
Senator’s fact-finding visit were not being released for security reasons. And
Vice President Cheney, the man of war, continued with his unannounced visit.
The Iraq war will be five years old Thursday, the day of the
fund-raising lunch in London for McCain. About then, the U.S. military is likely
to suffer its 4,000th death in the war.
A grand old party indeed.
By Bobzguy
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