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Neighborhood Goes Bad; Tattoo
and Massage Parlor Disagree
By
Brian K. White The Admiralty Place neighborhood to
the southwest of St. Paul, Minnesota has seen a lot of changes in the last 30
years as industries have changed and the ethnic communities have dissolved.
"Old-timers here are concerned because crime is on the rise and the police are
growing scared to patrol" says Neighborhood Watch Captain Obadiah Lessen.
Alicia Voonter tries to support the new businesses that have opened but
complains that when she went in to buy a pack of Newports "the man tried to sell
me baggies and a gram-scale too. He wouldn't let up until finally I agreed to
come back later for an elaborate 4-foot tobacco pipe and torch-style lighter."
While some residents are concerned that things were going downhill, merchants
have been vocal that it just isn't true. The head shops, nail salons, pawn
shops, tanning salons, Payday check advance centers, tattoo parlors, plasma
center and all-night massage parlors all agree that business is booming and that
their clients are regular, upstanding citizens.
"Massage at 4:00 in the morning is no crime" says Kim Fuk of Victor Charlie's
Deep Saigon Massage. "Maybe no sleep or work late, we no judge, just rub you
long time."
According to some residents the businesses don't see what's going on outside.
One woman who wished to remain anonymous told us, "I'm walking back from the
store and this disgusting black transvestite asks me to pay him for sex. I have
six grandchildren and go to mass every week. What makes him think that I would
want a cheap cross-dressing whore? Wouldn't I just go to Vegas?"
Merchants at a nearby body piercing shop were asked for reaction about this sort
of problem on the street and Sailor Cam responded, "What? No, I had no idea that
sort of thing was going on out there. What did he look like? Was it Leon? Oh,
that *#@% is dead!"
While many of those living in the new low-rent neighborhood have cited it as a
great community for its access to affordable crack-cocaine and secondhand car
stereos, others plan to take the matter to a higher authority. However, since
most police carry discount stamp cards for the local prostitutes and drug
dealers, citizens have been forced to call in the mob.
Order should begin to restore within six months, though contract prices have not
yet been determined.
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Government study: trailer trash live in trailer parks
 Washington DC, David
Kruk - The
Federal Office of Minimum Living Standards (OMLS) recently concluded a two year,
multi million dollar study of mobile trailer parks. The findings of this study,
outlines how mobile home trailer parks are populated with red necks, trailer
trash. hookers, petty criminals and convicted sex offenders.
The report published last
month concludes in most cases almost all residents of trailer parks are red
necks. While the report does not indicate how this came to be, it verified that,
on average, seventy-five percent of residents in most trailer parks were poor
white people known as red necks. Trailer
Trash Cont.
Pills force man to think only
about sex, man sues
 Stonecastle, Ohio- Bobzaguy -
Saying that he became a
slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills
filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the
drug.
“These little blue diamonds are playing havoc with my
thoughts” said Mr. Wills, a creamatory operator. “As I have got older, my wife
is complaining about me and our personal sex things, so I saw my doc and he gave
me this prescription for Viagra 100mg. Well, I have to admit they do work the
way the instruction video says that’s for sure. Wow, is she happy.”
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