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Unemployment Union Local 641 Goes on Strike

By Brian K. White   One of the most controversial labor unions in the nation, the Union of Unemployed Workers, went on strike Wednesday due to pay and benefit disputes. The union (over ten thousand odd workers strong) began their strike by taking jobs in several cities throughout the nation.

James Cameron of Falls City, Washington, began his support of the strike by taking a job as a mechanic at the nearby Texaco station, stating "I support unemployment but have to take a job until pay and benefits for the unemployed improve."

Cameron is not alone in his disdain for labor and pay practices against the unemployed. Frank I-Hate-Reporters-Like-You of Sioux City, Iowa complains that "sitting home watching Jenny Jones while yelling at my old lady and six kids just don't pay like it used to." Despite the $486 cash plus $703 in food stamps and approximately $1912 a month of family medical coverage Frank continued, "it just don't cover my Miller High Life and, without that, life just ain't worth livin'."

Union steward Mario Ramano of Local 641 represented, "The constitutionality of our workers' union is constantly at stake because of the claim that a labor union should be made up of people who actually perform labor, but anyone who's ever watched a Springer marathon and passed out on the hammock will tell you this occupation ain't exactly a picnic."

Nationwide, thousands have sought and obtained gainful employment in protest to the poor conditions suffered by the unemployed. Union organizers believe government agencies who are collectively saving an estimated $17 million a day will come around and concede to the pressures brought about by this strike.

In a related story, Judge Judy's ratings have fallen 86% since Wednesday and drunk midday sex had dropped 46%.   

Government study: trailer trash live in trailer parks

Washington DC, David Kruk - The Federal Office of Minimum Living Standards (OMLS) recently concluded a two year, multi million dollar study of mobile trailer parks. The findings of this study, outlines how mobile home trailer parks are populated with red necks, trailer trash. hookers, petty criminals and convicted sex offenders.

The report published last month concludes in most cases almost all residents of trailer parks are red necks. While the report does not indicate how this came to be, it verified that, on average, seventy-five percent of residents in most trailer parks were poor white people known as red necks.  Trailer Trash Cont.

Pills force man to think only about sex, man sues

Stonecastle, Ohio- Bobzaguy -  Saying that he became a slave to his penis when he was prescribed Viagra, Ohio resident John A. Wills filed suit today in Seabury County court against Pfizer Inc., the makers of the drug.  

“These little blue diamonds are playing havoc with my thoughts” said Mr. Wills, a creamatory operator. “As I have got older, my wife is complaining about me and our personal sex things, so I saw my doc and he gave me this prescription for Viagra 100mg. Well, I have to admit they do work the way the instruction video says that’s for sure. Wow, is she happy.”